Respect. Gratitude. Love.
Three Sacred Foundations of an Eternal Marriage
Some time ago, my husband and I were talking about what we truly wanted in our marriage.
Not materially.
Not socially.
But spiritually.
He mentioned three things:
Respect.
Gratitude.
Love.
Simple words. Yet the more I have reflected on them, the more I have realized that they are not just qualities of a healthy relationship — they are spiritual principles that sustain a covenant marriage.
In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, marriage is not merely a contract between two people. It is a sacred covenant made with God. And covenants are not sustained by feelings alone — they are sustained by righteous patterns of living.
These three principles form part of that pattern.
“I wrote this on a Sunday, leaving it there as a quiet Sunday reflection… and now, it’s Thursday. That is the quiet magic of writing — it speaks beyond the moment it was born.”
1. Respect: Honoring Divine Identity
Respect in marriage is not about control, superiority, or silence. It is about recognizing the divine identity of one another.
In Doctrine and Covenants 121:41–42, the Lord teaches that influence must be maintained:
“By persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned.”
This scripture establishes the Lord’s pattern for righteous relationships — including marriage.
True respect means:
• Listening without seeking to dominate.
• Speaking without diminishing.
• Correcting without humiliating.
President Russell M. Nelson has taught that strong marriages require deliberate effort, patience, and a willingness to understand one another. Respect creates spiritual safety. And where there is safety, the Spirit can dwell.
When respect disappears, contention enters. And when contention enters, the Spirit withdraws.
Respect protects unity.
2. Gratitude: Softening the Heart
In Doctrine and Covenants 59:7, the Lord commands:
“Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things.”
Gratitude is not selective. It is a discipline of the heart.
In marriage, gratitude changes perspective. Instead of focusing on what is lacking, it helps us see what is already present.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf has taught that gratitude transforms ordinary days into thanksgiving and routine jobs into joy. In a marriage, gratitude transforms criticism into appreciation and tension into tenderness.
A marriage does not usually weaken because of one dramatic event. It slowly cools when appreciation fades.
Gratitude sounds like:
• “Thank you for working so hard.”
• “I appreciate what you do for our family.”
• “I see your effort.”
Gratitude softens pride. And a softened heart is teachable.
3. Love: A Covenant Commitment
Love, as taught in the scriptures, is more than emotion. It is charity.
In 1 Corinthians 13:7–8, we read:
“Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth.”
Charity is patient. It is deliberate. It is enduring.
In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles declare that husbands and wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for one another.
Covenant love does not disappear when circumstances become difficult. It chooses to remain faithful. It chooses forgiveness over pride. It chooses unity over ego.
Sometimes love means speaking truth gently.
Sometimes it means remaining quiet.
Sometimes it means beginning again.
Love strengthens what respect protects and what gratitude nurtures.
Marriage as Refinement
Eternal marriage is not the union of two perfected individuals. It is the union of two disciples in progress.
God does not join us merely to make us comfortable. He joins us to refine us.
Respect refines our character.
Gratitude refines our vision.
Love refines our heart.
When these principles govern a home, the Spirit is invited to remain. And where the Spirit abides, peace can exist — even in imperfection.
On this Sabbath day, perhaps we are not being asked for perfection.
Perhaps we are being asked for greater respect in our words, deeper gratitude in our expressions, and more intentional love in our choices.
Because marriage is not sustained by emotion alone.
It is sustained by sacred principles.
And those principles begin with three simple words:
Respect. Gratitude. Love. 🤍
