🦟 Chronicles of an Unauthorized Blood Bank: The Mosquito Bandit

I don’t know if this has happened to you, but last night I was the victim of a crime…

A winged, sneaky, buzzing crime.

Yes, my friends, let me introduce the most wanted bandit in my bedroom: Supreme Floyd Jr., a mosquito with royal airs and refined taste who has already bitten me twice, as if I were his personal midnight buffet.

Apparently, I’m not just an ordinary human…

I’m his personal blood bank.

His five-star restaurant, open 24/7.

His favorite all-you-can-eat diner—without tips, of course.

There I was, tossing and turning in bed, trying to dodge his ambushes like in a slow-motion action movie.

Every time I turned off the lights, there it was—the buzz near my ear:

Zzz… zzz…

“No way! Here comes that flying thief again!”

I’d turn on the lights, ready to catch him… but poof!

Gone.

Just like that.

As a true escape artist, Supreme Floyd Jr. vanished into the shadows, leaving behind nothing but itchy welts and frustration.

Sometimes I wonder:

—Does my blood taste like vanilla caramel frappuccino?

—Or do mosquitoes have some secret GPS to track me down, even with the window closed?

My midnight claps are no longer about applauding greatness…

They’re desperate attempts to catch this buzzing criminal.

Honestly, I think this mosquito has WiFi, GPS, and maybe even a reservation list for his gourmet feasts on me.

I feel like Netflix:

Every night, a new episode of the “Dinner with Vane” show.

And while I hunted him down with the fury of a midnight warrior, I had a deep realization (because yes, even mosquitoes can teach you life lessons):

There are just some things in life we can’t control…

Like mosquitoes, taxes, and exes returning during Mercury retrograde.

So, if you too have a Supreme Floyd Jr. lurking in your home, remember:

You’re not just a person…

You’re a deluxe blood bank!

Consider this your sign to buy a bug zapper… or at least sleep with socks and a scarf.

✨ Bonus Special:

🚨 WANTED 🚨

Alias: Supreme Floyd Jr.

Crime: First-degree blood theft.

Reward: One peaceful, buzz-free night of sleep.